Discipline for Dummies

In all the hours of preparing for baby classes, parenting classes, and breastfeeding classes there wasn't the slightest mention of how to discipline a toddler. Isn't this just as helpful to new parents as which breast pump has the most beats per minute? Not even a reader recommendation list!

We have definitely entered a new stage in parenting now that are once little baby uses the word "no" even when intending an obvious "yes". Do you want to go swimming and eats lots of candy and stay up past your bedtime...No! Yes, this is the beginning of the toddler phase. It seems my angry face "NO" does little to thwart the unwanted behavior. Quite the contrary. The little one just looks and laughs while continuing to do the act that just got her scolded. Since the "mean face" has been met with mockery, I figure it's time to try some more tested discipline methods. In an Amazon search of "toddler discipline", I came up with 183 books! No doubt there are more than twice as many theories on the subject, so trying to pick one based on who has the best looking book cover is not going to cut it.

Since I'm not a fan of The Supernanny tv show, I figured the best resource on the tried and proven is the actual Mommy network. Several Mom's I chatted with said they started implementing time out with their kids at 18 months with pretty good results. As a believer in this form of punishment I thought it was worth a go even though I questioned if she was too young for it to be effective.

I'm reminded of my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Hume. She would dish out "20 minute isolation" as regular punishment, but mostly for being disruptive in class. This meant you had to sit at a desk in the back of the room, back to the class, with one of those plastic kitchen timers set to 20 minutes. You could hear the low hum as the seconds ticked away. If you were lucky she would let you work on the current assignment otherwise, nothing, just staring at the back wall of the desk cubby, and no head on the desk naptime either. It's debateable whether it was actually effective in making long-term changes in the student's behavior, but one thing was for sure, the class proceeded without disruption if not just for the next 20 minutes. So I waited for the perfect opportunity to test it on the little one.

We are fortunate to have a Sparkletts water cooler at our home and get the delicious, crystal fresh water delivered right to our house. They even offer flouridated water so our child's teeth will grow strong and bright. In addition, they gave us two little faucet adapters to keep the little one from emptying the 5 gallon contents on our beautiful bamboo floors! Last week it happened. She figured out a way around the faucet lock as she says, "warfal." I immediately gave her a stern look accompanied with "NO", to which she thought, game on! After a few go arounds I pulled out my back pocket discipline plan, time out. The "experts" say 1 minute for each year of age. I held her in time out for a little over a minute while I explained what was going on, why she was being disciplined, and the whole concept of undesirable behavior leading to punishment. The crying started about 1/2 way into it and I thought, all the better, they're not suppose to enjoy it. This song and dance continued for another session and the third time, it worked. The threat of time-out actually deterred the behavior. Excellent!

This is not to say she doesn't still test her boundaries nor does she fully grasp the time-out discpline concept but I figure it certainly lays the foundation. It introduces the concept of consequences and it has empowered me as the disciplinarian. I just ask her "Do you want a time-out? and much of the time she replies, "no" and walks away from the situation. I've only had to use it a handful of times and hopefully it won't wear off as if it were the novelty of the week.

A minor success in what is sure to be a whole host of failures over the next seventeen years.